4 tips for being a Parent in Ministry

I was fortunate to grow up in a Pastor’s house, where myself and my 4 siblings all went into ministry ourselves. As a Dad who served as Youth Pastor, I also got to experience the other side of the coin. So something Youth Pastors often ask me for advice on is being a parent in youth ministry, and over the years, I feel like I’ve learned more and more.

I think we all have our own stories of pastor’s kids, be they the horror stories of the ones none of us want in our youth group, or the heartbreaking stories of kids who were good, were great, but grew up to resent the church (and God) because of their mom or dad’s ministry.

I can’t prepare you to be a rock star parent-pastor with one post, but I can offer up some advice I’ve seen be helpful as I’ve filled this role.

1. Show your kids your love for God, not just your work for him.

Our walk with God needs to be taken care of, always, and I do believe that as we grow closer to God it will bring our kids with.

Your kids don’t just need to see you going to and from work at the church, they don’t just need to know you have an office there or spend a lot of time there. Even as toddlers, you can help connect what you do with why you do it. When I used to be a worship pastor, my kids knew I went to practice so I could play songs that helped  other people hear truth about God, so they could know how good he is. They know that on Wednesday nights, I get to go to church and hang out with a ton of teens and tell them about how much I love Jesus and how much Jesus loves them. Or how the couch in my office is there because sometimes teenagers need a safe place they can cry or laugh or doubt.

Tell them about your ministry and why youre in ministry, and celebrate with them what you’re celebrating in ministry.

2. Family above ministry

It’s easy to choose ministry over quality time with your family, and I get it. I can be glued to my phone, and struggle with putting it away when we’re “just hanging out.” Far too often, we can fall into the trap of putting family above ministry in our words alone, never taking actions that show it as being true.

Don’t overload your schedule with ministry activities, and don’t “schedule” family time. You have family time, and you occasionally have scheduled ministry time.

Be present when you’re home. Put your phone on a charger in a different room. Be with your family, not just around them.

3. What does your spouse expect?

My dad, who was a Sr. Pastor, used to have 3 routes home from church.

One was a direct, short route, one was a medium length, and the third was a longer way. Every day when he was about to leave for home, he’d call my mom to see what kind of day she was having, and determine his route home. If she had a crazy day and needed help asap, the direct and shortest route. If things we’re fine, he’d take the medium to give time to put ministry mind away and be present when he got home. Some days, he’d call and if she was good, he’d let her know he needed the long way home. Just their way of looking out for each other.

I know my wife wants me home for dinner, and our kids eat dinner at 5:30. So I need to be headed home from the office by 4:50 to be present in preparing dinner time.

When they were younger, and nap  time dictated our schedules, I knew I worked around that. This wasn’t a one and done conversation, but a continual adaptation.

4. Don’t assume expectations from your church

“I’ve got a newborn, they understand if im late to the office.” Is a surefire way to be looking for a new job within the year.

There’s for sure grace, but don’t assume it. Keep in constant communication with your leadership team, and also other staff members. Set up a plan before a baby comes of any adjustments you may feel to make. Just because your pastor has expectations you’re on the same page about, work with other staff members as well about those expectations, It could save headaches later on.

Are you a parent in ministry?

I’d love to hear your thoughts and tips for being a great parent and a great pastor!